Seek First the Kingdom of God...

Wow, what a long break it's been from writing on my blog! I'm going to take the next few posts to tell you so many things that are on my heart.  I'm so glad to be writing again, and thanks for coming back!

January was such a different month, but it was so worth all of the changes that took place.  Our church participated in the Daniel Fast from Jan 3rd - 23rd.  This is a fast that includes eating only fruits, vegetables, whole grains, nuts and seeds.  It was really difficult at first, but I actually got used to it after the first week. That's incredible for me, considering I was practically addicted to sugar.  (Ok...more than practically!) I actually haven't had any sugar since then, and I don't even crave it anymore.  That's amazing.  For those of you who know me, you know just how amazing that is!

The last time I fasted, I had such great revelations from God, so I was expecting the same thing this time around.  This fast turned out completely different, though.  I had my list of things that I wanted God to speak to me about, and I focused on them daily.  It seemed like almost every day was met with struggle, feelings of condemnation, less time to spend with God than usual, and many other struggles.  I felt so frustrated, because I wanted to hear from God, and all I was doing was feeling angry all the time.  God WAS doing something though; I just didn't see it at the time.  When I would find myself extremely frustrated and ready to give up on the fast, I found myself getting online (when that was one of the things that I gave up for the fast), and I wasted time away by just clicking on "this and that" to pass the time and numb my heart.

Hmmm.....

So it took me until after my fast was over to realize that I tend to use the internet to numb my feelings when I've had enough of life, kids, responsibilities, and whatever else is giving me too much stress at the moment.  I broke my promise to God to not get online to look at unnecessary things (blogs, Facebook, etc), but I did it "a little bit" (like that didn't count, or something!) when I was overwhelmed.  I also know it was God who pointed this out to me after the fast, because I felt convicted, not condemned.  It was like God was saying, "Hey, look at this... Why do you suppose you did that?..." 

"But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you" (Matthew 6:33).

God has been showing me since the fast that when we focus on our problems, it causes our problems to be in the center of our vision.  I heard an example of this the other day that made so much sense to me.  If you're driving your car and want to make sure you avoid hitting the guard rail, the last thing you want to do is FOCUS on the guard rail.  If you focus on it, you will end up guiding your steering wheel over in that direction and hitting it!  This is the same concerning the things in our lives that we want to change.  If we focus on them first, instead of God first, they will become the center of our vision.  We want God to be the center of our vision, not our problems. 

This may sounds simple and somewhat obvious, but I realized that during my fast I kept telling God every day what I wanted delivered from, etc.  My focus was more on what I wanted changed than on God, Himself. 

"But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you" (Matthew 6:33).

If we focus on God first, we will receive everything we need.  Yes, we need to pray and ask God for these things.  But after that, we need to know that God remembers our prayers and wants us to focus on Him in the meantime! 

Have you been focusing on God first, or focusing on what you want Him to fix?

Lord, God, please show me when I am putting other things before you.  If I seek You first, You will give me everything I need.  I don't need to keep asking you and focusing on when You will heal me and fix everything I see wrong in myself.  You will take care of it in Your own time as I focus on You.  Thank you, Jesus, for this revelation!

His Purpose For "My Purpose In Him"

"God began doing a good work in you, and I am sure He will continue it until it is finished when Jesus Christ comes again" Phil 1:6

It seems as if everyone has a blog for a different reason.  Some use it as a hobby, as a business, or even as a daily journal.  Some people publish a post every day, and others write less often.  Along my blogging journey, I have come across many unwritten rules (sometimes written!) of blogging.  Among these can be anything from the necessity of blogging every day to doing all sorts of tricks to get additional readers.  It seems as though I have broken almost all of these rules! For example, I simply cannot write something every day at this point of my life.  I love writing posts, but it's not at the top of my priority list!  There have been times that I have spent too much time doing it, so now I have a set time that I do most of my writing.  I have one night a week that I go to the library for a couple hours to write a post.  Sometimes I don't even finish one.  Other times, I write the majority of 2-3 posts. (And other times, I just sit and read a book instead!)  I have learned that I simply can't do as much as other bloggers sometimes can, and that's ok!  I know that I'm not going to have as many people who follow my blog when I don't post something as often.  This used to bother me a lot, but I have come to realize that I'm not writing this to see how many people follow my blog.  I write to encourage others and to share what God has shown me.  I've had to quiet the "people pleaser" part of myself many times in order to please the only One who matters!

Recently I sat down to think about the purpose behind "My Purpose In Him".  It seems as though there are 3 different topics that I enjoy writing about the most, and God has given me such a passion to share them on my blog. These 3 specific topics, I believe, describe the purpose of my blog:

1. The difference between believing in Jesus and having a relationship with Him
2. Your identity in Christ
3. Secret Sins

First and foremost, I want to see people give their lives to Jesus and receive eternal salvation! I realize that most of the people who read this blog identify themselves as Christians. Part of the purpose of this blog is to expose the difference between knowing who Jesus is and actually having a relationship with Him. If you are trusting that you will go to Heaven one day because you believe in God or because you're basically a good person...this is not how you get to Heaven. Many years of my life went by before I found out that just believing in Jesus does not get you into Heaven. The bible shows us that turning away from your sins, trusting Jesus as your Lord and Savior and developing a relationship with Him is the ONLY way to get to Heaven when you die.  There are so many people who go to church every Sunday and believe Jesus died on the cross, but they do not have a relationship with Him. There has never been a point in their lives when they experienced a true heart change by turning their whole lives over to Jesus and giving up the life they once had.  I was one of those people for many years, and I had no idea that there was so much more to Christianity than all of the "do's and don't's" of every day life.  Jesus loves us and wants to be intimately involved in each of our lives!

Related Blog Posts:  Do You Really Know Him?  If You Died Tonight  True Repentance  What Does it Mean To Be Born Again? 

Second, I have a passion to see others find freedom in discovering who they are in Christ. I have found (and am still finding!) that when you know who you are in Christ, freedom and healing is found there also. On the other hand, when you don't know who you are in Christ, life can be absolutely miserable. Jesus loves all of us, and He wants to see us all healed and set free. This is why I chose the picture above for my Facebook page. She looks free! I have such a passion for people to discover who they are in Christ. There is incredible freedom in becoming who God made you to be!

Related Blog Posts:  My Identity In Christ  Who Do You See?  Our Rock Among Pebbles  My Path To Freedom

The third purpose of my blog is to expose those "secret sins" that so many of us have. Satan loves secrets, and he can keep us in bondage to all sorts of things if we never find out we can be healed and set free. He wants us to stay in bondage by keeping parts of our lives a secret. Satan wants us to believe that we're the only ones who are dealing with these "secret" sins in our lives, so we remain quiet. Therefore, we stay stuck in the bondage it has created. These "secret sins" include sins from our past that we are afraid to share with others, and also sins from our current lives that we are trapped in and don't know how to break free from. Freedom is found in the light, not the darkness!

Related Blog Posts: Do You Have a Secret Sin?  Who Are You When No One Is Looking?  Another Testimony of Freedom  My Path To Freedom 

I cherish all of your comments, and I hope that you have been blessed by this blog.  Thank you for sticking with me, even during the extremely busy times of my life when I may not get a post up during the week.  For those of you who like consistency (like myself!), I have been trying to set my blog up to publish new posts every Monday.  (Sometimes I will update it more often, and I always update my Facebook page more often than that.) I'm also looking into adding some guest posts from some women who have blogs I really enjoy.  They love Jesus, and I know you would be blessed by what they share.  I've said it before, but I truly believe that I wouldn't even have a blog if it wasn't for God's anointing to do it in the first place.

Be blessed!

Amy

What's Driving You?

“Commit (roll) everything you do to the Lord. Trust Him and He will help you” (Psalm 37:5).

Back in July, I was asked by my pastors if I would create and write a weekly devotional based on the Sunday messages. I was so excited, and I couln't wait to set it up and start writing. I had been praying about writing a devotional one day, and I just “knew” that this was my chance.

After a couple of weeks, my momentum slowed down and I started to get frustrated. My daughter started becoming much more mobile, and I was not able to get as much done while she was awake. Instead of spending her nap time working on the devotional, I needed to spend it getting other things done around the house. I also never realized how difficult it would be for me to write a devotional based on a message that God gave someone else! I really enjoyed doing it, but it took me a lot longer than I anticipated. I had to study each individual scripture in the message and fully understand all of the material in order to write about it. In one aspect it was great, because I was studying the Word and getting so much more out of the messages than I normally would have. On the other hand, it was taking up so much more time than I had anticipated. I was having so much trouble finding the time to do all of this each week, and I was getting more frustrated with myself as the weeks passed by.

I finally said something to my pastor, but I unfortunately waited until I was extremely frustrated and stressed over the whole thing. I have a difficult time backing out of commitments once I make them, and I didn’t want to have to say I couldn’t do it anymore. I also had another motive for waiting so long, though. God showed me that I held off telling my pastor as long as I did, because I didn’t want someone else to do it. I didn’t want to feel like someone else was taking my place. How’s that for honesty? (Some time has passed since then, and I'm thankfully over that now!)

“Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him." Psalm 37:7

God has been showing me these last few weeks that I am sometimes driven by things that make me feel special and valuable. I want to feel useful. Being a stay-at-home-mom can be lonely sometimes, and it’s easy to feel isolated from everyone else. It’s easy to take on extra responsibilities in order to feel like I’m finally doing something “important”.

What is the driving force behind the decisions you make?

If you find yourself saying “yes” to things that you know you don’t have time for, or feeling frustrated while taking on extra projects, ask yourself why you decided to do them in the first place. There is nothing you could do that would give you more worth in God’s eyes! He loves you and knows your heart better than anyone. You are never overlooked by Him. You are precious to Him, and He loves you more than you know.

False Security

What makes you feel secure?

My son was getting ready to start preschool a few months ago, and I was trying to re-arrange my daily schedule since our mornings would be so different. As I was praying about this, I kept hearing silence. I even set one day aside to specifically pray about it and, again, I heard nothing. I was getting frustrated, but I figured I just needed to wait on God.

The weekend after Joshua started preschool, we went out of town to visit my husband’s family. While we were in the car one afternoon, I distinctly heard God speak to my heart. Out of nowhere, God told me that He didn't want me to re-arrange my schedule.  He wanted me to stop using it all together! Now for those of you who don’t need (or want) a schedule, you may be wondering what the big deal is. For those of you who are like me, though, it may cause a bit of panic to set in when thinking about letting go of something that is so instrumental in helping you stay organized!

At first I thought that it couldn’t have been God telling me that. He would never want me to get rid of my schedule…right? Wrong. That was God speaking to me, and I realized it even more as the weekend progressed, and I had more time for it to settle into my heart. I finally began to realize what He was trying to tell me. 

Instead of leaning on God, I was leaning on my schedule.

Now I’m not saying schedules are bad, and I’m not telling everyone that God wants you to get rid of your schedules! I just want you to hear the message that God has been slowly but surely getting across to me.  He caused me to realize that I found security and stability in having a schedule.  I have to say that I was caught off guard by this at first.  It wasn't one of the "obvious" places that I thought I would place my security.  But it's true.  If I had a schedule in place...I felt at rest.  If I didn't...I felt anxious - really anxious. Although I know that I will never get everything done that I set out to accomplish for the day, it seems like I was forgetting that God is ultimately the One who helps me in accomplishing everything I need to do...NOT my schedule.

Our security is supposed to be found in Jesus only!

I gave up my schedule (as frightening as it was), and I decided to trust God. Let me tell you that even though I knew God told me to do this, I still felt like I was being irresponsible! It wasn’t easy. That was back in September, and I still do not have a set schedule for my day. I don't think that He's expecting me to go the rest of my life without having one again, but He's teaching me things now that I couldn't learn if I went back to the way things were.  It's actually kind of freeing.  He will help me accomplish everything that needs to be done.  When everything during the day seems to be falling part, God does not want me to make a more effective schedule. He wants me to lean on Him!

Is there something that would cause you to panic if God told you to give it up?

Jesus, you correct us, because You love us! Thank you for helping me to trust You every minute of the day. I want to lean on You, and only You! You will not leave me when things get tough. You are my Rock!

Picture credit:  lisapraises.blogspot.com

The Holy Spirit's Help in Prayer - Part 2

“Then said the Lord to me, You have seen well, for I am alert and active, watching over my Word to perform it” (Jeremiah 1:12).

Did you know that praying God’s Word consistently and wholeheartedly over your life will open the door for God’s power to bring true change in your life? God is faithful and capable of doing what He promises us in His Word. We need to find out what these promises are and believe them. These promises are stored in His Word. Isaiah 55:11 says, “So shall My word be that goes forth out of My mouth: It shall not return to Me void (without producing any effect, useless), but it shall accomplish that which I please and purpose, and it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it”. Jesus paid an incredible price for us to have these promises!

YIELDING TO THE HOLY SPIRIT

The Holy Spirit is active in our daily lives, but we need to learn how to yield to Him and train ourselves to think differently. Colossians 3:2 says, “And set your minds and keep them set on what is above (the higher things), not on the things that are on the earth”. It is so important to know who you are in Christ! If you are born again, you are a new creation. John 6:63 says, “The Spirit gives life; the flesh counts for nothing. The words I have spoken to you are spirit and they are life”. Line up your thoughts with God’s thoughts!

WHAT YOU PUT INTO YOUR HEART WILL GROW

Are you storing God’s Word in your heart? If you find yourself more excited to watch TV, play games on Facebook, or watch movies than spending time with God, you are missing out on the Living God! What do you do with the time in your day? Are you spending time fellowshipping with God? He will reveal His plans to us if we spend time with Him. He has truth for you. Whatever you put into your heart will grow. If you spend the majority of your free time watching movies or surfing the internet, you will not grow spiritually. Your flesh will just get stronger. If you spend time every day fellowshipping with God in prayer and reading His Word, you will reap spiritual rewards. Seek God and you will find Him! Only God can fill you up. The Holy Spirit will convict you, and with His help, you can change. He wants to do a work in your heart and show you the deeper things of life!

THE HOLY SPIRIT STRENGTHENS US

I never knew anything about the baptism of the Holy Spirit until I met my husband, Kevin.  Quite honestly, it scared me, and I wanted nothing to do with it.  The churches I had belonged to up until that time never emphasized the importance of speaking in tongues, and I knew very little about it.  I knew about the gift of tongues that some believers have, but I was never taught that every believer could speak in tongues (as a private prayer language) through the baptism of the Holy Spirit.  I struggled with this concept for a few years, but after studying the bible specifically for this reason, I became convinced that God made this available for every believer...including me.

The baptism of the Holy Spirit (praying in tongues) is something that is available to every believer. God has given us this gift to strengthen you. “But you shall receive power (ability, efficiency, and might) when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you shall be My witnesses in Jerusalem and all Judea and Samaria and to the ends (the very bounds) of the earth” (Acts 1:8).  We all need this power to be a witness for Jesus!

- Whatever you put into your heart will grow. What have you been putting into your heart?

- Has God been convicting you of sin in your life? Have you turned it over to Him?

- Have you been baptized in the Holy Spirit?

Your Word, Jesus, always accomplishes what it was sent out to do. Thank you for the Holy Spirit who has come to strengthen, convict, and guide us.

Picture credit:  www.necklacecrosses.com

Enjoying the Blessings of Today

I have been reading the blog, Keeper of the Home, for a little over a year now.  I am excited to say that one of my posts was featured as a guest post on her blog today!  I'd love it if you went over to her blog to check it out:  Enjoying the Blessings of Today

Picture credit:  TheraHealthNetwork.com

I Did It!

My husband leads a ministry in our church that I used to never imagine I'd ever be a part of.  He leads a street ministry team that meets downtown to share Jesus with people. (That's my handsome husband in the picture above!)  This is not something where people stand around with microphones shouting at people, or anything like that.  It's just having conversations with people, and sharing the love of Jesus and what He has done for us.  I have felt too intimidated to do this...until now!  Well, I guess I'm still intimidated, but I have finally gotten the courage to go anyhow!  Anyone who knows me understands that it can only be God working in me to be able to do this!  I'm the one that can sit through a whole conversation of people talking, and not say a word!  I can tell you everything that everyone said, but I very easily just listen and observe without adding to the conversation.  That's what comes naturally to me.

Evangelism has always been my husband's passion.  He's very good at sharing his faith, and I've always just considered it his thing, not mine.  There's a verse in the bible that I can't ignore, though! 

Mark 16:15 says, "He said to them, "Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation." 

Jesus called us to share our faith with one another!  I know that I share my faith in my blog, but it's a completely different thing to share my faith with someone in person.  I'm more comfortable writing about my faith than speaking about it, because I can take my time and think about what I want to say. My husband is always sharing his faith with people.  I've watched him time and time again doing this.  He loves people, and wants to see them all saved!  It amazes me how he can approach a complete stranger and carry on a spiritual conversation.  I'm not comfortable approaching a stranger in order to have any kind of conversation, let alone a spiritual one!

It has been on my heart to go out with them this summer, and I've been able to go a few times now.  I didn't say anything to anyone...until last night!  Kevin was involved in a conversation that seemed like it could be a long one, so I started walking around with someone else to find someone to talk to.  I just kept praying to myself, "Please God, fill my mouth with Your words and make them come out!"  Finally, two women started walking right towards me.  I approached them and asked if I could ask them a couple of questions, which lead into the conversation.  I didn't lead either of them to Christ, but I was able to pray with both of them!  I didn't realize until I was finished praying with them that they were both crying.  These two women were so thankful that someone took the time to pray with them.  I was so surprised...and glad! 

I'm so glad that I have broken through this fear of not sharing my faith with people!  I'm still quite nervous about it, but I finally have found the boldness to do it anyhow! 

There are many different ways to share your faith.  When is the last time that you shared your faith with someone? 

Jesus, thank you so much for equipping the people who love You to tell others about what You have done.  Thank you for not giving up on me when I kept saying no!  Thank you for giving me the strength and boldness to tell others about You.

Goal Setting

A little while back, I mentioned that I really felt like I needed to sit down and pray about some goals for my future.  I've been having this unsettled feeling for quite some time, and I've realized that it's because my focus has changed. Looking back over the last 5 years of my life, I have focused mainly on pregnancy, raising young children, and pregnancy again. This is all fine, but I need a new focus in addition to raising my family!  We have also moved 3 times in the last 5 years! Wow!  (Unless God moves us, we'll be in this house for a very long time to come!)  This has kept us really busy. These are some things that I have been praying about:

1)  I want to start sharing my faith more often.  Going out with my church's Street Ministry falls into this category.  Fear used to be what held me back from participating in this ministry; now it's finding someone to watch my children!  I want to go more often as I'm able.

2)  I would love to switch my blog over to my own website.  There's so much more I want to do with "My Purpose In Him".

3)  I want to write a devotional.  God has really put this in my heart over the last few months and has confirmed it several times lately.  I'm so excited about this, but it's going to be awhile before I find the time...

4)  I am pondering the thought of going back to school for a Master's in Theology.  It would take me 3 years.  I really still have to pray about this one.  I love pursuing more education.  It's really on my heart to do this and has been for awhile.  I just need to make sure that it's something that God is calling me to do and not just what I want to do!  My husband's not finished with school until next Spring, so I have plenty of time to think about it!

5)  I want to lose 45 pounds.  I'm hoping that if I lose at least 45 pounds, I will be able to stop taking the Metformin without gaining the weight back.  My endocrinologist told me that if I lose this weight, I won't be as insulin resistant anymore.  I just want to be healthy again. 

6)  When I do lose the weight, I want to post  a PCOS weight loss video documenting my PCOS "story" and weight loss pictures.  I already started it to help motivate myself to lose the rest of this weight!  I know that I have looked and looked for support and encouragement from other women who have PCOS, and I want to be that encouragement for someone else.

7)  I also want to learn how to make more healthy, whole foods for my family.  For example, I want to learn how to make sourdough bread.  I'm sure it's not that difficult... I just have to do it!

Those are my goals for now.  I obviously don't have any timeline to accomplish these.  I wanted to have more of a direction to go than a timeline.  Timelines are almost impossible for me right now in this season of life!  Maybe as I get closer to these goals, a timeline would be more feasible.  I also need to keep praying that these goals are in line with what God has for my life.  I can't lose sight of that! As important as it is to set goals, it's more important to know that God is behind them.

What goals are you working towards?  Has God been involved in your goal-planning?

Picture credit given to: http://www.rexburgoutdoors.com/

A New Focus

I have had this sense of unsettledness in my heart for a few weeks now.  This morning, I think I realized what it's all about.  I don't have any goals in my life that I'm working towards.

Looking back over the last 5 years of my life, it seems as if I have focused mainly on pregnancy, raising young children, and pregnancy again.  I don't believe that Kevin and I are going to have any more children, so I'm not focused on dreaming about another pregnancy in the future.  God has blessed us with two wonderful children, and I'm so glad to have them!  I have felt such a sense of dissatisfaction in my heart since realizing that we're not going to have any more children, though.  It started out as me going through kind of a grieving process...

"We're done having children.  Now what?  What do I look forward to now?  All of Anna's "firsts" are my "lasts".  It's so bittersweet.  I miss that sense of expectation that comes from being pregnant."

All of these thoughts have been in the back of my mind most days.  I'm finally settled on the fact that I know we're not having any more children.  My heart has still felt so unsettled, though.  As I mentioned above, I now realize that it's because I don't have anything that I'm working towards now. 

I'm one of those "schedule" types.  I love schedules.  I love to plan.  If I don't schedule my day, I won't get anything done.  Not a day goes by when I follow that schedule completely, but I have to have some sort of guideline to focus on;  otherwise, nothing will ever get done.  That's just the way I work!  I realized this morning that I have been so focused on my day-to-day routine, that I forgot to think about setting goals for myself.  Sure, I'm always striving to become a better wife, mother and woman, but I have failed to set any specific goals for my life.  What does God want me to be doing? I need to pray and ask God about all of this.

I'm going to sit down and pray about what goals I can set for my life.  I want to set some short-term goals and long-term goals.  I know that they will be forever changing, somewhat, but I need to start somewhere!

I'm Back!

I'm back! You probably didn't even know I was gone!  Actually, I didn't really go anywhere.  I was just staying off of my blog over the last several days.  At the end of April, I was praying about some things that have continually been troubling me.  I was surprised when I was praying one day about these things, and God told me to fast!  I haven't ever fasted any more than 1 day, and that was probably before Joshua was born. 

God placed it on my heart to do a 10 day Daniel fast ( which is not a total fast, but includes fruit, veggies, nuts, seeds and some whole grains).  I was a little nervous to start this, because I had never done it before.  I knew I couldn't do a total fast, because my blood sugar would drop too low.  Then, 2 days into my fast, my husband went to NY due to a death in the family.  I was a little hesitant to continue, because I wasn't feeling so great in the beginning.  The thought of taking care of the kids for 3 days without any help (while fasting) didn't sound so great to me!  I decided to continue, though, because I chose to believe that God would give me the grace that I needed.  I knew that he wanted me to fast, so I did.  I also decided that I wasn't going to be spending much time on the computer during this time, unless it was just a few minutes or something that was necessary (bills/budget, etc.). 

Here are some of the reasons that I decided to fast:

1. To break my emotional connection to food. 
2. For God to show me what idols I have in my life (computer, etc.) so I can put HIM first.   ----(Notice, I already knew about the computer!)
3. To develop a closer walk and relationship with God.
4. To break any strongholds that I have.

I journaled during most of these days, and I wanted to include some of that.  I find it interesting, looking back, how each day was so different.

DAY 1

I feel horrible today (emotionally).  Kevin's uncle passed away, and that's probably part of it.  I feel so apprehensive about this fast.  My life has seemed so out of control lately. What if I don't hear from God during these 10 days?  Despite feeling so terrible, I spent a lot of time with God today.  I read some of Daniel and Romans.  I actually feel pretty good, physically.

DAY 2 

I woke up early to pray, and the kids were already awake.  It was difficult to concentrate, but not impossible.  I have a headache today, but that's ok.  I was expecting to have it yesterday.  I feel tired and foggy this morning.  I think I have a study book on Romans, and I want to read that if I can find it.  God is really showing me that when I focus on Him, my problems seem small.  Kevin is going to NY for 3 days, and I'm a little unsure about keeping this up when I feel so bad.  I keep praying for grace.  I have been wanting to spend so much time on the computer.  I also miss eating things other than fruits and vegetables.  For some reason, I keep thinking about cheese.  I've had a headache all day!  I guess I shouldn't drink so much Mt. Dew.  (No kidding.)

DAY 3

I am just reminded that the closer I am to God, the more my life will be in balance.  That should be obvious, but I guess it's something that my heart is starting to "get".  For some reason, I feel like my sins are worse than everyone else's.  This has caused me to magnify them.  Then, I start focusing on how big they seem.  God wants me to focus on Him, not my sins. 

DAY 4

I really wish I could have some eggs, chicken or cheese.  Maybe I'm not getting enough protein?  I can't eat nuts & seeds all day, though.  I'm actually not even hungry.  I'm bored, though.  I need to eat healthier for myself and my family.  Tomorrow starts day #3 by myself with the kids.  It's gone well so far, but I'm tired.

DAY 5

I feel so clear and refreshed this morning!  I'm really determined to keep eating healthy, exercising, and losing this weight.  I'm not going to exercise during the fast, but I'll start up again afterwards.  The computer has taken up a lot of my time.  I didn't realize how much until now.  I want a richer, fuller life.

DAY 6

Back to the subject of sin, again.  I was talking to Kevin about this, and I'm realizing so much more now.  I'm always going to sin.  It's only through Jesus that I'm righteous.  I could do everything "perfect" one day, and I'd still be as sinful as the day before.

DAY 8

I feel great (physically) today!  I've also lost 7 lbs., so that helps!  This fast is getting much easier.  I'm eating to fuel my body now, that's it.  My blood sugar is also much lower and stable now.  It hasn't been going up and down all day, so I feel so much better.

DAY 10

God has really shown me a lot these last 10 days.  I have idolized food and the computer.  He has also shown me that my sins are no worse than anyone else's.  Now I'm realizing that I don't need to magnify them.  I just need to ask for forgiveness and move on.  I also need to eat much healthier, because I'm about 1 step away from diabetes.  I have to eat healthier (which means no simple carbs, except for fruit, for me!) and lose this weight before that happens. 

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God is so faithful!  I am so glad that I completed this fast.  It showed me so much about myself and my relationship with God and my family.  I have been so easily distracted by the computer.  I love reading blogs.  I actually subscribed to about 20 of them in my feeds, and I would check every couple of days for updates.  I cut down that list to 6 of them.  I'm also only going to be on the computer during certain times of the day, and I'm not going to be on it when Joshua's awake.

As for eating better, well...I have to whether I like it or not.  I haven't even really ate that terribly, but I just can't eat those carbs.  My doctor told me that the more weight I lose, the less insulin resistant I will become.  I'm hoping and praying that my body will someday get back to looking and acting normal again.

I've also realized that I make my relationship with God much more difficult than it needs to be.  I'm much tougher on myself (in some areas) than I need to be.  I just need to make the time to spend with Him when I can.  I need to make sure that I still am getting up before anyone else in the mornings to do this, because that's the only time that works.  I'm also realizing that I can so easily include God in my whole day, even while playing with Joshua.  I have been making many attempts to bring Him into the conversation while Joshua and I are doing something.  This is time spent with God!  I always used to look at time spent with God only being when I was by myself (or in church, of course).  I'm making much more of an effort to realize that He wants to be involved in all of the "non-spiritual" things that I do all day while home with my children.

Thank you, Jesus, for being so faithful.  Thank you for being so reachable.  Your still small voice is so much clearer to me now.

Fishers Of Men

I saw this video clip posted on Facebook this morning, and I thought it really worth sharing.  Christine Caine shares examples of how we (as Christians) are to be in the world, not of it.  She gave the example of how most of us don't see ourselves as an "evangelist type", so we don't share our faith with others very often (if at all).  We only share our faith when we are put on the spot or when our churches have special outreach events specifically geared towards witnessing to others. 

We are to be witnesses in everything that we do!

I am as guilty (if not more) as anyone concerning this.  My husband is one of those evangelist types that I referred to earlier!  I often compare myself to him and don't bother sharing my faith with others when he's around.  Am I afraid of him secretly criticizing what I say to someone?  Sure.  Do I figure that he can just do a better job at it, so I take a back seat and watch him do it instead?  Sure.  Does that excuse me from sharing my faith?  NO!

Christine also used the example of how a lot of people compartmentalize their faith.  We share when we're comfortable, when it's not too cold outside, when we're not in a hurry, when we're feeling confident, etc.  We wait for that specific time when we're "supposed" to talk to others about our faith. 

I realized when I watched this video that this is what I do with my blog!  I use this blog as a way to share my faith with others.  That's great, but this should not be the only way that I share my faith.  It's not so difficult to write on this blog, sometimes, because I have time to think about what I'm going to write, etc.  I like to think through what I'm going to say before I say it.  That does not excuse me from sharing my faith with others in person, though! 

Matthew 4:19 says, "Come, follow me and I will make you fishers of men."  God doesn't expect me to become just like my husband and share my faith exactly like he does.  He made me to be just like me, not just like my husband!  He also doesn't want me to walk around feeling guilty all the time, because I don't feel like I'm doing enough.  He just wants me to step out and do it!  He just wants YOU to step out and do it, too!

We will make mistakes. 

We will say the wrong thing sometimes. 

We won't always know the answers to other's questions.

God wants us to step out and obey Him anyhow.  That's what pleases Him.  Aren't you glad that someone took the time to share the gospel with YOU?  I know that I am!

Time Killers

Modern technology is great, right?  We have so many ways to communicate with people all around the world in just a matter of seconds.  We have e-mail, Facebook, Twitter, texting, among so many other things.  I was pondering something the other day, though...

How much more time would I have with my kids if I wasn't on the internet during the day?

How many more things would I be able to accomplish?

...and the most important question:

How much more time would I spend with God if I didn't spend so much time on the internet?  (ouch!)

I'm not saying that the internet is bad.  I know that computers allow some people the ability to work from home, which is great!  The information that the internet allows us access to can be wonderful and very useful.  On the other hand, it can be a HUGE time-killer if you allow it to be.  (That's really what I'm focusing on, here.)

I started blogging about a year ago.  At least 3 or 4 times over this past year, I have needed to take a break from the "blogging world".  I love to write on my blog, but I only write about 1 post a week. There are several blogs that I love, and reading them can take a lot of time if I'm not careful.  I have cut down on the blogs I read to just a handful for this reason.  It's so easy to get on just to check my e-mail, and then I find myself on it for an entire hour.  When the day is over, it's surprising how much time these things can "eat up" if I start keeping track.

I suppose everyone has something in their lives that might be used in excess, if time on the internet isn't an issue.  The TV, for example, is something that I once had on all hours of the day.  We cancelled our cable a couple of years ago, and I'm so glad.  To some, this may seem a little extreme, but it wasn't for us.  My husband and I both found ourselves watching TV shows endlessly.  I would also have the TV on just for noise when no one was home.  It was always on, even if no one was watching it.  When we got rid of the cable, it opened up so much more time in our day.  Not to mention,  it got a lot quieter around the house and saved us a lot of money!

I don't believe that God is against the internet, but I'm sure He is against spending too much time on it when we could be spending that time with Him, other people, or even just our own daily responsibilities. 

Ephesians 5:16-17 "Making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is."

Is there anything in your life that has been used in excess that is taking away time from God or other precious loved ones or responsibilities?

Picture credit given to:  Ikoolers.wordpress.com

A Time For Healing

After a lot of consideration, I have decided to take a vacation from my blog.  How long?  I'm not sure. 

I'm kind of having a difficult time, lately. 

I'm feeling quite invisible.  Feeling invisible is something that I've struggled with for practically my whole life.  I've always been an introverted person who is quiet and shy around people I don't know very well.  I often struggle with feeling like I have nothing to offer anyone.  Sometimes it fades into the background of my every day life, and I barely notice it.  Other times it rears it's ugly head and becomes so discouraging and overwhelming to me.   This is one of those times.

My husband is very outgoing, and I often feel as though I'm in his shadow.  That's not where I want to be, and that's not where he wants me to be, either!  For example, it hurts me when people (women) approach me wanting to know where Kevin is because they're having such a hard time with something and want to talk to him about it.  As they say, "What am I?...Chopped liver????"  I always end up feeling like Kevin is the one who God really works through, not me.  Kevin is involved in so many ministries that I don't even want to be apart of because of this.  I always have this nagging thought in my head that God doesn't speak to me (or through me) like he does Kevin...so why bother?  I can't help anyone.  I have nothing to offer.

Kevin and I have a wonderful relationship, and part of the reason I was initially attracted to him was his outgoing personality.  He can fit in anywhere.  It's so easy to feel invisible around him, though.  It seems as though the more confident and outgoing he seems when we're with other people - the more I just retreat within myself and hide.  I don't know why.

I know that this is something that I need to let God work on.  Maybe now is the time, because I'm feeling just so overwhelmed by this right now.

I've poured my heart out in this blog for just over a year now.  I know that I don't write on it as often as others do, but I do it as often as I'm able.  Lately I have been getting caught up in feeling like no one reads my blog...so why bother?  Is the main focus of my blog to see how many "followers" I can get?  No.  (It's a good thing!)  It's easy for me to get caught up in that every once in awhile, though.  That upsets me, because that's not the purpose of this blog.  The purpose of this blog was always for me to examine how I can better be transformed into the wife, mother and follower of Jesus that I was created to be.  I was also hoping to encourage someone else along the way.

I feel like I need to take a break from it all, though, until God changes my perspective on all of this...

What If?

My husband and I went to see the movie "2012" the other night.  This got me thinking...

What would I do if a tragedy like this struck and I had to abandon everything I owned, including my bible - forever.

Would I have enough of God's Word hidden in my heart?

Would I have God's promises to me stored in my heart?

Would I know how to use God's armor to sustain me in desperate times?

God gave us his Word to store in our hearts!  This is something that God has been impressing upon me over the last few days, more than ever.  How many bibles do you have?  My husband and I probably have a combined total of at least 10-15 bibles between the two of us.  (I call my husband a "bible addict" because he's always getting a new one!)  We probably only use 3 or 4 of those on a regular basis.  I have come to realize that I have taken for granted that I will always have my bible to refer to if I need to. That might not always be the case someday.  I need to hide as much of His Word in my heart as possible.  His Word is life to me!

What if you had to abandon everything you owned, including your bible?

Would you have enough of His Word in your heart to sustain you?

Where Is Your Focus?

This is a picture of my living room floor.  Can you see the big spot on the hardwood floor?  My husband was kind enough to clean the floors for me a couple of weeks ago, and he used a scratch pad to spot-clean the floor.  The glossy finish from this floor rubbed right off everywhere he did this!  We've only had this floor in for not quite a year, and this spot is driving me crazy!!!!  When the sun isn't hitting it, you can't tell that it has been damaged; but, in the morning and early afternoon I cannot pass it without noticing it.  I have seriously considered buying a bigger rug to cover this.  I have become obsessed with this, at times, and it really bothers me!  Is that crazy?  Yes - I know.  When my focus is on what is wrong with the floor, it cannot be on other things that are important.  I lose sight of the fact that my husband was being very nice in helping me clean the floors, etc.  I lose sight of the fact that  God has blessed us with a beautiful house that is perfect for us.

This got me thinking about God.

When our focus is on something that has nothing to do with God, it is so easy to put Him in the background of our life and lose sight of what's really important. 

This has really reminded me that my focus has not always been on God, as it should be.  It's so easy for me to get caught up in all of the things that need to be done, etc.  For instance, I have been choosing to sleep later in the mornings instead of getting up before my children.  This leaves me zero time with God.  I have realized that if I don't spend time with God in the morning, it becomes more and more difficult to set that time aside.  Meanwhile, He should be the most important person in my day!

I really feel like God told me this morning that when I start getting upset about that spot on the floor, that it should serve as a reminder to me to check my focus.  Is it on Him, or is it on something else that doesn't eternally matter?

What is your focus on today?

The Balancing Act

I feel like I haven't written a post for so long! It's funny how everything takes a back seat when you have a new baby in the house, but it's worth it! Anna has a wonderful temperament, and she has been sleeping fairly well throughout the night. She tends to eat around 10 pm, 2 am and 6 am. I can't complain about that! Joshua ate every two hours for months, and I felt like a walking zombie. My husband has also been helping with either the early or the late feeding, also, which has been a HUGE help to me! I've been getting somewhere around 6 hrs. of sleep a night, and that's good enough for me right now! It's definitely more than I expected to be getting at this point.

I have been waiting to "settle in" to a schedule of some sort (I'd even settle for somewhat of a schedule!) around here, but we're no where near that yet. It seems as though when the day is over I realize that Joshua watched about 3-4 DVD's throughout the day. I feel like a bad mother to him, because it's taking me longer than I expected to adjust to taking care of 2 children (while I'm still recovering from my c-section), along with my household responsibilities.

The whole balancing act is something I've never been very good at. I tend to easily focus my time and attention to one thing, and the rest gets ignored.

My mind does not seem to be at ease as much as it should be these days. When I'm with Anna, I feel like I'm ignoring Joshua. I don't want him to feel left out. I'm pretty quiet, by nature, and I tend to feel left out of conversations sometimes. I can easily feel like no one notices me. (Maybe it would help if I asserted myself more!) I guess I'm just over-sensitive to the fact that I don't want Joshua to feel that way. Chances are, in the long run, he won't. He's quite outgoing for a 3-year-old, and he tends to make his needs known when he can identify them. On the other hand, when I'm spending time with Joshua, I feel like I should be paying more attention to Anna to make sure she's getting enough stimulation. She's so quiet (compared to her older brother!), that it's easy to just let her stay in her crib or bassinet if she's not fussy.

I'm guessing that these are all somewhat "normal" things that a family needs to adjust to after adding someone new to the family. I just need to be more patient with myself while we all learn how to do this. I guess it didn't help that Joshua had a terrible cough all last week, and it was exhausting trying to keep him away from Anna.

Day by day, we're all settling into a new normal. My personal time with God has suffered through all of this, though, and I need to get back on track. I've been trying to get up early to spend time with Him then, but I must confess that I've only talked myself into doing that about every other day. Why is it that time with God is the first thing to go? I know that we have an enemy out there who is working behind the scenes - Satan - but I can't blame it all on him. Sometimes I can be just plain lazy about finding the time. I realize that I have a lot going on with having a new baby, BUT...if I can find the time to write this post, I should be able to find time with God.

Now that I've just said that, I think I better spend what remaining time I have with God before Joshua gets up from his nap!

Our New Schedule

I love this picture, because it really describes how I feel many days with a 3 year-old in the house and a baby on the way.

As I wrote about before, coming up with a daily schedule has always been a desire of mine. Well, I finally came up with one! I know that I will be making changes to it probably the first week I use it, but I really just wanted something to give me a rough idea and plan for the days that we don't have anything else scheduled outside of the house to do. I also realize that this is going to completely change when the baby comes, but that's ok too. What I figured out will work for now.

I wanted to come up with a schedule, because I'm the type of person who needs one. If I don't have a specific plan to do something - chances are it's not going to get done. I am also desperate to "schedule" in more time with God, because if I don't purposely do this, I seem to run out of time. (Joshua will get up early, I decide to go to bed early, etc...) I also wanted to set some more concrete time aside for Joshua. I'm learning quicker than ever that it's very easy to spend all day with someone but that doesn't mean that you're spending much quality time together. Joshua is growing up before my eyes, and I want to spend as much quality time with him while he's home with me and not in school yet. So, here's a rough idea of what our new schedule looks like. I didn't include many exact times on here, because I know that it will always be changing:

6 a.m. - I will get up, shower and get ready for the day before
anyone else gets up.

6:45 a.m. - Read my bible and pray until 7:30 or until Joshua gets up.

8:30 - 11 a.m. - Praise & Worship time with Joshua
- Learning time (letter recognition, whatever we are
working on)
- Outside time
- Free play time for Joshua

While Joshua is having his "free play" time, I will be doing my best to work on cleaning a specified room for that day. I have a specific room or area of the house for each day set aside. I'm figuring that this will be more manageable (and less overwhelming), if I'm focusing on only one of these a day.

11:30 or so - lunch time

1:00 - 2:30 - nap or quiet time. Joshua does not always take a nap lately, but I want to teach him to have some quiet time in his room even if he does not sleep. He has plenty of toys in his room, so he should be easily occupied!

While Joshua is in his room, I have set aside some random things that I need to spend time on at least once a week. (Bills, balancing the checkbook, grocery list, new visitor ministry for church, etc.) I'm trying to keep my "dependence" on this time down to a minimum, because lately I just want to take a nap when Joshua is in his room! I used to completely rely on the time Joshua was taking a nap to complete all of my responsibilities for the week, but this just wasn't working anymore. I ended up taking a nap instead, Joshua wouldn't stay in his room that day, etc. To save myself a lot of headaches, I'm going to try to do only some of those things during nap time, and the others will have to wait until he goes to bed at night.

So, there's the rough schedule that we will be attempting. I guess I wrote it down on my blog for myself more than anyone else, because I'm not sure who else cares what I do all day! Thanks for your patience (if you made it this far in my post!), and we'll see how this goes!

Picture credit given to: www.gettyimages.com

The Lord's Protection

My brother is in the Air Force, and he was kind enough to take Joshua to his work yesterday for part of the afternoon to show him all of the jets. They had a great time, and so did I - at home! Even though I was so excited to get some much-needed work done around the house, I decided that I should spend the time praying and reading my bible.

Most of my prayer yesterday centered around my priorities. It seems as though I so easily get side-tracked and lose track of my priorities along the way. God really pointed this out to me during the message this past Sunday at church. My pastors have been doing a wonderful series on Psalm 23. I never realized how similar we really are to sheep! Sheep can so easily get side-tracked. One can start grazing in a direction that may be towards a cliff, and the rest of the sheep eventually follow. They don't notice that they are drifting further and further away from the shepard. The further away they drift from the shepard, the more vulnerable they become. They drift closer and closer to danger when they are outside of the shepard's protection and guidance.

This reminds me of, well....myself! It seems as if I (over and over again) prayerfully consider my priorities and set out to put down what God has shown me to be unfruitful. I do exactly this, but somewhere along the way I lose focus. For instance, God really spoke to me yesterday about the whole "blogging world". Even though my time has been more limited lately, I love writing posts on my blog. I also love reading other's blogs! My favorite blogs are those that give me a new perspective on how to become a better Christian wife and mother. These are great blogs written by Godly women! God showed me yesterday, though, that I have been spending too much time on the computer. It's so easy to get online to check my e-mail and see if there is a new post from a favorite blog of mine. From there, though, I always seem to drift off to something else. An hour can easily go by, when I just intended to spend a few minutes online. I realize that once I have the baby this will no longer be a problem, because I will simply not have the time to do this anyhow. I asked God yesterday, though, what I needed to let go of, and it was put loud and clear to my heart that I need to limit my time on the computer. I'm finding that it's so easy for me to spend an endless amount of time on the computer, when there are so many other things I need to be doing instead. I'm also realizing that it's so easy to "deaden" any fear, worry or lonliness that I have by keeping my eyes glued to the computer screen. Jesus wants me to go to HIM when I feel this way, not numb myself in other ways.

I think I'll be taking part of a day each week, from now on, to read my favorite blogs and post something of my own if I can. The rest of the week I am going to do my best to honor God and stop wasting my time on the computer.

I am in no way saying that anyone else who spends a lot of time blogging is wasting their time! I just know that God spoke that to my heart yesterday, and that was a word for ME. God knows my limits, and I (like a sheep) was drifting further and further away from the safety of His arms. Some "sheep" are able to graze further away and stay perfectly safe within the Shepard's eyesight. I, for some reason, am one of those sheep that need to stay close or I lose sight of Him quickly and begin to go my own way. Does that make sense? I hope so! (It all made sense in my head!)

Thank you, Lord, that you keep me close and gently let me know when I start to wander off into unsafe territory. Thank you for always coming back to get me when I start to stray.

My First Love, Part 1

Sometimes I don't realize how much of a difference God has made in my life...until I stop spending time with Him. No, not a good thing to do! The last week has been so busy. My son is now sick (again), and my husband and I have been dealing with some unexpected financial issues that we're trying to straighten out. It seems like everything has happened at once. What I'm realizing, though, is that things are really NOT THAT BAD!

I somehow have neglected spending time with God through all of my busyness, though, and I'm realizing that this is why I feel so overwhelmed. I have been laying awake at night worrying about everything. Instead of praying, I have been worrying. I do it without even thinking sometimes.

I thank you, God, for Your love, mercy and grace. Without them, I don't know what I'd do! Thank you, Jesus, for forgiving me of my selfishness. I have forgotten and neglected you. I have put many things before You. Thank you for patiently waiting for me to come back!

Spring Cleaning - Day 4 & 5

Ok...To be very honest, I have lost a great deal of my enthusiasm for the spring cleaning party! I have put a lot of time into this, and I'm incredibly glad that I've been doing it. I just have one small problem! I started to realize throughout the week that I was so focused on keeping up with the schedule, other things in my home were getting neglected. Now I realize that this is going to happen sometimes, but I know this is why I'm losing my enthusiasm quickly. Balancing the activities/responsibilities in my life is somewhat of a challenge for me sometimes. So, I've decided that I'm going to continue the spring cleaning; but, I'm going to do it at a slower pace. So, today will be my last "official" post on the spring cleaning party. I have a feeling that the only one who is disappointed by this is me, so I'll keep reminding myself of that!

I was able to work on the kitchen on Friday and part of Saturday. My kitchen is surprisingly not too bad (besides the usual clutter, etc.). I don't have an over abundance of kitchen utensils like some of the participants mentioned on simplemom. I do like the idea of keeping a list on the inside of my cabinet doors, though. I often think I don't have something, so I buy it. I realize later that I did have that item, but it was hiding in the back of the cabinet or behind something else.

One goal that I have for the kitchen (kind of), is to come up with a weekly menu. I already have a weekly menu of some sorts that I follow, but I need to come up with a system that I will be able to stick to once I have the baby. I know that it's going to be a challenge at that time no matter what, but I want to make it as realistic as possible. I did not have a "plan" for a weekly menu when my son was born, and we all ended up eating a lot of junk and also spending a LOT more money than we should have (hello drive-thru!!). Fast food drive-thru's became a great convenience back then, but we paid the price in more than one way for that. I hope that this time I can avoid most of that. My mother-in-law lives in another state, and she will be coming to stay with us for a week, or so, after I have the baby. She will be helping me with Joshua and some of the cooking, so I'm really grateful for that! She will be a huge help to me.

So, one of these days I will be working on a menu plan. I'm actually looking forward to it, because I know that it will ensure that my family and I are eating healthy. Plus, it will save us money that can better be used elsewhere!