Back in July, I was asked by my pastors if I would create and write a weekly devotional based on the Sunday messages. I was so excited, and I couln't wait to set it up and start writing. I had been praying about writing a devotional one day, and I just “knew” that this was my chance.
After a couple of weeks, my momentum slowed down and I started to get frustrated. My daughter started becoming much more mobile, and I was not able to get as much done while she was awake. Instead of spending her nap time working on the devotional, I needed to spend it getting other things done around the house. I also never realized how difficult it would be for me to write a devotional based on a message that God gave someone else! I really enjoyed doing it, but it took me a lot longer than I anticipated. I had to study each individual scripture in the message and fully understand all of the material in order to write about it. In one aspect it was great, because I was studying the Word and getting so much more out of the messages than I normally would have. On the other hand, it was taking up so much more time than I had anticipated. I was having so much trouble finding the time to do all of this each week, and I was getting more frustrated with myself as the weeks passed by.
I finally said something to my pastor, but I unfortunately waited until I was extremely frustrated and stressed over the whole thing. I have a difficult time backing out of commitments once I make them, and I didn’t want to have to say I couldn’t do it anymore. I also had another motive for waiting so long, though. God showed me that I held off telling my pastor as long as I did, because I didn’t want someone else to do it. I didn’t want to feel like someone else was taking my place. How’s that for honesty? (Some time has passed since then, and I'm thankfully over that now!)
“Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him." Psalm 37:7
God has been showing me these last few weeks that I am sometimes driven by things that make me feel special and valuable. I want to feel useful. Being a stay-at-home-mom can be lonely sometimes, and it’s easy to feel isolated from everyone else. It’s easy to take on extra responsibilities in order to feel like I’m finally doing something “important”.
What is the driving force behind the decisions you make?
If you find yourself saying “yes” to things that you know you don’t have time for, or feeling frustrated while taking on extra projects, ask yourself why you decided to do them in the first place. There is nothing you could do that would give you more worth in God’s eyes! He loves you and knows your heart better than anyone. You are never overlooked by Him. You are precious to Him, and He loves you more than you know.
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1 comment:
I smiled as I read this post because I experienced something similar.
I am glad that you were honest with yourself and then with your Pastor. Your desire to be transparent is refreshing.
My husband and I were the ones who did the cleaning in our church and once I came out pregnant I told my Pastor that we would be willing to continue working even after the baby was born.
I remember my Pastor smiling at me and saying, "Ok, sister."
Well, that didn't work out like I thought although it was in my heart to continue to serve. I helped in the cleaning right up to my 38th week. But after our daughter was born, I realized I wasn't going to be able to continue. I had the same feelings of wanting to be wanted. I didn't want someone else to take my place.
I thank God that I allowed Him to minister my heart. He allowed me to see that while it is a gift to be able to serve in the church, my first ministry is being a wife and mother.
God has since worked it all out for our good and also to benefit the church:)
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