A Revelation Of His Perfect Love

Our church got together last night for something called, "Getting In His Presence".  It was a time of prayer, praise and worshipping God.  I had a wonderful time worshipping God, and I had an experience that I hope to never forget.  This makes me even more glad that I have a blog, because I have a place to write this down where I will always have it.

Anyone who knows me and has been to church with me knows that I'm pretty reserved during worship. (Unlike my husband!)  Last night I made a huge effort to forget everything thing that was weighing on my mind, and I just wanted to concentrate on worshipping God.  I get distracted VERY easily, so this is not always the easiest thing for me to do.  I did my best to forget about everything and everyone around me and just worship God.

Halfway through the evening, God started to show me something just so touching to my heart.  I was thinking about how forgiving He was.  He has forgiven me so many times for so many things.  I started thinking about how God's love towards us is so different than the love we are able to offer others.  I can repent and ask for forgiveness knowing that He will forgive me.  I don't know about you, but if someone committed the same sin against me over and over again, I don't know that I could so easily forgive that.  God also forgets our sins once they are forgiven.  Once something is forgiven, God doesn't hold that sin against us.  He doesn't bring it up ever again. His love is perfect towards us.

I started thinking about the ways in my life that I seem to continually sin against Him.  I was thinking about the places that I seem to get "stuck" over and over again.  I often come to Him in shame, feeling so terrible about what I've done once again.  I've been so focused on how to not do these things anymore.  One of the revelations that God gave me last night is that He showed me I need to focus on Him, not my sins.  Now I'm not saying that He gave me a license to sin!  I'm saying quite the opposite.  God showed me that the more I look to Him to fill me up, the less I will look to other things to do that instead.  The more that I live to please Him and follow Him, the more that I will find myself not sinning in these areas anymore.  This is what true repentance is all about!  It is turning to God and away from your sins.  I'm not supposed to walk away from my sin and keep looking back at it in fear or regret.  I'm supposed to turn back to God, keep walking and not look back! 

God gave me another wonderful revelation last night, also.  I've always known that He loves me.  I grew up knowing that, but I've never had any kind of revelation about that.  Last night, God gave me the perfect revelation of His love for me (and all of His children)!  During worship, I started having flashbacks to some of the most painful times in my life.  Sounds terrible, right?  Actually it was wonderful.  It was wonderful, because I was able to "see" Jesus there with me throughout all of those times.  I saw Him there beside me during the most painful times of my teenage and adult years.  I first saw a flash (I'm not sure what else to call it!) of when my previous husband came home one night (at 2 a.m. as usual) to tell me that he didn't want to be married anymore.  I was so distraught that I left our apartment that night and just walked up and down the street crying.  I came home later to unsuccessfully try to fall asleep.  Last night I saw that scene in my mind so clear.  It was as it just happened all over again.  The only difference was that I saw Jesus there with me. 

He was walking with me up and down the street with his arm around me. 

He was sitting next to my bed as I cried myself to sleep that night.

I saw Him there with me when Paul's parents came over to tell me that he died. 

He was there with me at the funeral and each time I went to his grave site.

Another painful memory that I saw was when Joshua had his seizure last year.  It was the day after Easter.  It crosses my mind often. I wrote about that day here if you don't know what happened.  That was one of the scariest days of my life.  I have always felt guilty, because I was not in the room with Joshua when he fell to the floor from his seizure.  I was just getting out of the shower, and he was downstairs watching Veggie Tales.  I have always felt so bad that no one was there with him when he was going through something so scary.  God showed me something absolutely wonderful last night, though!  Along with all of my other memories, I saw a flash of the day Joshua had his seizure.  The only difference was, I saw Jesus there with Joshua.  I saw Him kneeling on the floor beside Joshua while I was upstairs having no idea what was going on.  Jesus was there with him!  When I heard Joshua scream and I ran downstairs, I started screaming for God to help Joshua.  I never gave thought to the fact that He was already there! 

During all of these situations that I saw in my mind last night, I also saw when I was being wheeled down the hall to that cold operating room for my c-section with Anna.  I was terrified, because I knew how difficult of a recovery I had with Joshua.  I was also devastated inside for having to have another c-section.  Last night, I was able to see Jesus walking along side me as I was taken down that long hall into the operating room.  Something at that moment changed, though.  I saw Jesus turn from comforting me, to Him looking so joyful.  He was looking at Anna!  Not only has  He been there to comfort me in my most trying times of life, He has rejoiced with me in my most cherished times of life!  I "saw" Him there as Joshua and Anna were welcomed into the world.  I also saw Him there when Kevin and I got married.  It was if He was in between us with one hand on my shoulder and the other on Kevin's.  I could go on and on...

God loves us!  He showed me last night how much He loved me even when I wasn't following Him.  When my previous husband left me, I was not following God in the least.  Sure, He was probably a thought somewhere in the back of my head somewhere.  Going to church or following Him were the last things on my mind back then.  He was still there with me, though!  Even though I rejected Him, He was still trying to comfort me during my greatest times of pain. 

I hope this post makes sense, because I still have a lot of things running through my head about last night!  I wanted to write it down while it was still so clear in my mind. 

God loves you so intimately.  He knows exactly where you are and what you are going through right now!  He sits beside you and wipes your tears away when you cry.  His arm is around you when you need comforted.  He's always with you.

Thank you, Jesus, that you will never leave me.  Thank you for these wonderful revelations!  Thank you for being with me even when I was rejecting You.  You are so faithful, and you love me with a PERFECT love.  No one else could do that but You.

Picture credit given to:  www.cardensdesign.com