My Path To Freedom (part 1 of 3)

This post is a little (ok, a lot) different than many of my other posts. I am going to write about something that God has impressed on my heart to say. I want to talk about something that has been a struggle in my life for many years. After discussing this with my husband and pastor, I really feel like God has put it in my heart to do this; otherwise, I would never even attempt it! I feel like of a "window of grace" (I don't know how else to put it!) has opened up for me to write about this. I'm slightly terrified to post this, but I’m choosing to look past my fear of feeling “exposed” and be obedient to God.

While preparing to write this post, I was writing down everything that I wanted to say. I never thought that I had so much to say on the subject! I will be breaking this post up into 3 parts, because there’s just so much information. I hope that you will stick with me throughout these posts, because some of you (most of you) will be a bit shocked about what I will write. If you stick with me until the end, you will be a witness to the love, grace, mercy and power of my Savior, Jesus Christ!

I know that there are many different moral beliefs held by the people who read my blog. I know that some of you aren’t Christians. Depending on your beliefs, some of you may feel judged, offended, or (I’m hoping) blessed by what I write! (What a contrast!) I know that I’m possibly opening myself up to some major criticism (depending on who is reading this!), but I know that God has given me the grace to thoughtfully take the time to write down my story; and it’s all in His hand’s now. I would also like to thank Kevin for being so supportive about me posting this. You are the most wonderful husband in the world, and I am so glad that God put you in my life! With all of that being said….

I’m going to talk about the topic of homosexuality. Many different thoughts, beliefs, opinions, and judgments come to mind when that word is mentioned. What comes to your mind?

I have found that there are (at least) three different belief systems out there for Christians when it comes to homosexuality. I realize that when you step out of Christianity, there are countless other beliefs concerning this topic. My emphasis here will be how Christians believe:

#1 - Some Christians believe that it is ok to be gay. They believe that people are born that way, so no one should be judged for loving someone else, even if it is someone of the same sex. These Christians state that God has called us not to judge, so it is no one’s business what others do (as long as it’s not hurting anyone else). Any thought or attempt to “change” a person’s sexuality is just putting someone in denial and not accepting of who he or she really is.

#2 – Other Christians believe that God hates anyone who participates in a homosexual lifestyle. They believe that God condones anyone being hateful towards someone who is gay, because God is disgusted by it.

#3 – The third group of Christians (including myself) believe that it is a sin to have ANY kind of sexual relationship outside of the marriage union that God has established. Living out a gay/lesbian lifestyle fits into this category.  I must clarify, GOD DOES NOT HATE GAYS/LESBIANS/OR BI-SEXUALS. He hates the sin, not the person. (It is just as sinful for a man and a woman to have sex outside of wedlock.) The bible states that “practicing” homosexuals will be judged by God and will not inherit the Kingdom of God. Being tempted is not a sin. It’s how you handle the temptation that’s important. I will mention more about this later.

When it all comes down to it, how you or I feel about the subject really doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is how God sees homosexuality. There are several verses in the bible that refer to the judgment that will come to those who practice it. Practice means, “to repeat habitually ”.  I will talk more about this later, but being tempted is not a sin. Jesus was tempted all of the time, and He never sinned! It’s the “practice” of homosexuality that God condemns. Of course, if anyone is in a homosexual relationship, God will forgive him or her if they turn away from their sin and ask for forgiveness! (I want to mention that homosexuality is not the only "practice" that God condemns, as you will see from the scriptures below.  It is the topic of my post, though, so this is where my focus will be.)  Like I said earlier, it doesn’t matter how you or I feel about the subject. Since God is sovereign, it only matters what He says. Don’t just take my word for it! Look these up for yourself. I’m just referencing a few:

Romans 1:26-27 “Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. 27In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion.”

Rev. 21:8 “But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars--their place will be in the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death."

I Corinthians 6:9-10 “Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders, nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. ”

So why am I writing about this? This is a subject that is very “sensitive” for me. When I was in my late teens, I became emotionally enmeshed and sexually involved with a female friend of mine. (Yikes, I actually said it! It's all downhill from here!) I’m still not sure how or why all this happened (neither of us had ever been involved in a homosexual relationship previously – and never have been since). We did not tell too many people about what was going on, but I’m sure it wasn’t too difficult to figure out for those who knew us well. We spent just about every waking moment together. She and I were just about joined at the hip, and I all but worshipped the ground that she walked on. My parents just separated, and she was the only person who understood what I was going through. Somehow, she was the only friend I had whose parents were divorced. She understood my pain, and she was the only one I felt like I could talk to. At this time, I was not a born again Christian. Leaning on God was not even a thought. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was trying to get from her what only God Himself could have given me. We were so incredibly dependent on each other that there wasn’t much room for anyone else. Her parents found out what was going on, and they threatened me and blamed me for breaking up their family. There was even talk of trying to press charges against me since I was 18 and she was 17 when it all began. I felt so horrible and shameful as it was. Prior to all of this, her family and I got along very well. Her family’s reaction to me made me feel like I was some kind of predator, when I really wasn’t. We knew that what we were doing was wrong, though, or we wouldn’t have kept it a secret. A couple of years later, she went her way and I went mine.

So, why am I telling you all of this? I will be writing about all of that in post #2.  Click HERE for part 2.