3 Weeks Old

I feel like I haven't posted anything for so long! My mother-in-law has been visiting this past week from out of state, and it's been a bit busy around here.

Anna is now 3 weeks old, and she's doing really well. She eats every 3 hours, or so, and she's been awake much more often the last couple of days. It's so nice to finally see her eyes! She's still been quite an easy going baby. I'm so glad, because it's been a little hectic in this household lately.

I just haven't been feeling myself. I know that my body just went through a huge change, but I just want to feel like myself again. Since having the baby, I have randomly decided to check my blood sugar just to see what it is. My fasting blood sugar in the mornings has been high, and that kind of worries me. Ok...it REALLY worries me. My fasting blood sugar when I was pregnant was always in the 80's. The last few times I checked it in the morning, it was 109-115. I always knew that gestational diabetes just goes away for most people after they have the baby. For the other people, it sticks around after the baby is born and becomes Type II diabetes. This is why I'm worried. I have tried so hard to lose weight and change my eating habits, and I thought that this would help me to avoid anything like that. I weigh 34 pounds less than I did when I was diagnosed with insulin resistance. I still have probably 20 more pounds to lose, though. ----I scheduled an appointment with my endocrinologist, and I have a 3 hour glucose test scheduled for Nov. 7th. I guess we'll have to see how that goes, and there's not much I can do about it before then.

I've also still been in a moderate amount of pain. I went back in to see my doctor the other day to see if she would prescribe me something stronger. Right now I'm taking prescription strength Motrin. It's not really taking the pain away anymore. I had a lot of areas that were numb after the surgery, and I'm starting to get feeling back. My doctor told me something very interesting, though. She actually pulled out her physician notes to read to me what she wrote about my c-section. Some of this I knew from her telling me in the hospital, but it was nice to hear again when I was thinking a little clearer! She told me that I had an unbelievable amount of scar tissue from my previous c-section. My uterus was actually stuck to my abdomen wall from the adhesions! (Yuck!) She said that she has done a lot of c-sections, and she has seen very few with this much scar tissue after only 1 previous c-section. She told me that she had to take a lot of time to repair the tissue, and this is why the surgery took so long. (My surgery was scheduled for 7 a.m. and Anna was born at 8:03. I didn't leave the operating room until about 9:30.) She also told me, again, that it was a good thing that I didn't need to have an emergency c-section, because she would have had a difficult time getting to the baby quick enough due to all of the layers of scar tissue. I don't think that my husband and I are planning to have any more children, but I asked her if this would cause a problem with any future pregnancies. She told me that if I ever got pregnant again, they would have to give me sonograms often to check my uterus to make sure that it wasn't getting too thin. I would be at a potential risk for my uterus rupturing. I, of course, would definitely have to have a c-section again due to these same risks. I'm glad that we weren't planning on having any more children, because I would dread going through that again.

This got me thinking...

I know that I'm desperate, at times, to come up with a reason why God didn't let me have the birth with Anna that I wanted. Still, finding all of this information out has left me wondering what actually would have happened if I would have had a vaginal delivery like I wanted. I now know that I was more at risk for my uterus rupturing during labor than I realized, due to all of the extensive scar tissue. I also now know that if something would have happened during labor that would have caused me to need an emergency c-section, Anna's life would have been put in danger due to the time it would take to get to her.

As I said in my last post - God's ways are higher than mine! Who knows what could have happened if I really got what I wanted. What would I have sacrificed as a result? My life? Anna's life? Or, maybe nothing. Any way you look at it - God's ways are still higher than mine.