My First Love, Part 2

Almost 9 years ago, I gave my life to Christ. I was raised going to church every Sunday, but I always found it to be boring. I thought going to church on Sunday was about "being good" and dressing up nice even though I didn't feel like it. I thought Christianity was all about rules - mainly what I wasn't allowed to do.

It wasn't until I was in my mid-twenties that I found Christ and what REAL Christianity is supposed to be. I had been attending a local church that had just started a service that was trying to reach the 20 & 30-something's age-group. I went to the first service, only because my mom convinced me to go. I loved it! I was going through a very rough time in my life, so I enjoyed going from week to week, because I felt like my life was getting back on track. I was in the middle of a terrible divorce, and I was pretty lonely and devastated. After 6 months, or so, I joined a small group called, "Defending Your Faith". I took the class in order to "prove" to my soon-to-be ex-husband that God was real. What ended up happening, instead, was I discovered who Jesus really is!

We were given homework the first night of the class, and we were to go home and search the bible for scriptures that supported the gospel. For example, I had to find all of the scriptures I could that pertained to God loving us, etc. I remember going home discouraged, because I didn't realize that this small group was going to include study time at home. That night, I opened up my bible (the only one I had since I had my first communion when I was 8 years old), and the words came alive to me. I realized that night that the bible was truly living. I couldn't get enough. The more I learned, the more I wanted to learn. I went out to the local Christian bookstore and bought a new bible and everything I could find that would tell me more about Jesus. I was so hungry to learn about Him and what He wanted me to do with my life. I actually knew nothing about a "sinner's prayer", and I didn't even realize for the longest time that what had happened to me was that I got saved! I knew so little, but I was so eager to learn.

Back then, I didn't work on Monday's in the Summer. I started going out to the local state park every Monday, and I would just stay out there for hours reading my bible and praying. I can't say it enough - I was so hungry! I was so excited to learn that God had a plan for my life, and I wanted so badly to know what it was. I learned that I need to seek God for every decision in my life. I loved this idea, because I knew that God knew the best plan for my life. I had real hope and joy in my life for the first time. It was such a wonderful time in my life, despite my circumstances with my ex-husband. He was a drug addict, and I constantly worried about him. (He died of a drug overdose 4 months later.) Learning that I could live a life of purpose no matter what was going on in my life was invaluable to me. One lesson I learned when he died, was that dedicating my life to Christ did not mean that I would lead a problem-free life. Knowing that God never changes no matter what the circumstances are, though, became something that I still hold onto dearly today. I know that no matter what happens in my life - God remains the same. He is not shaken!

I chose to write about this today, because those days of beginning to discover who Christ was have been on my mind so much lately. I want that hunger back. I want that excitement back. I want that joy back. I want to seek that with everything I have.

Thank you, Jesus, that you want me to seek you with my whole heart, and you want nothing more than to answer my prayer!